101 Things
by 77777Blackjack77777
Summary: Bella's really mad at Mike. What does Yoda, rabid squirrels, and a tuba have to do with it! Find out by reading!
1. Chapter 1

My shift had just ended at Newton's Outfitters, and I was in a really bad mood today. Mike had constantly tried to make 'small talk' with me during work. It couldn't be that bad, could it? Oh yes, it could. 'Nice weather we're having' isn't my ideal subject to talk about. He knows how much I hate the rain and cold.

I was putting on my jacket when I noticed Mike coming over, a sheepish grin plastered onto his face. I wish Edward was here right now, but it just** had** to be sunny today. I may not like the rain and cold, but I never said I didn't like the clouds.

"Hey Bella" Mike said.

"Mike."

" So um, I was wondering if you maybe would like to, uh , go see a movie with me this weekend?" he asked me, trying to give me what he thinks are 'irresistable' puppy dog eyes. Trust me, they're not.

This was the fifth time he asked me out. Today! At this point I was really fed up with him.

"**NO MIKE, I WILL NOT GO OUT WITH YOU, I WILL NEVER GO OUT WITH YOU! I LOVE EDWARD! WHAT DOES YOUR THICK HEAD NOT UNDERSTAND**!!!"

...

Mike stood there, looking at me for a few seconds, before he responded

"Ok, maybe next time then" he responded, totally oblivious to what I just told him.

"**UGH!!!"**

I ran out to my truck and got in, making sure to slam the door for emphasis. I then drove as fast as my truck could go, I was so mad. After driving for a few minutes, (Forks isn't that big,) I pulled into my driveway. Charlie wasn't home because he was having a fishing weekend with Billy. That was good on his part, he probably wouldn't want to deal with me being so angry.

I went up to my room and buried my head in my pillow, just laying there. Then a brilliant idea formed in my devious mind. I scrambled around my room until I found a blue fountain pen and notebook to match. Flipping a few pages in, I started writing.

**101 THINGS TO HIT MIKE WITH**

**1. dead fish**

**2. blender**

**3. angry cat**

**4. waffle iron**

**5. running chainsaw**

**6. Emmett's fist**

**7. baseball bat**

**8. lamp**

**9. Victoria**

**10. stop sign **

**11. cuckoo clock**

**12. washer**

**13. dryer**

**14. Edward's piano**

**15. hungry shark**

**16. brick **

**17. T.V.**

**18. bicycle**

**19. Tyler's van**

**20. microscope**

**21. guitar**

**22. Santa Claus**

**23. his sleigh**

**24. glass vase**

**25. couch**

**26. the first computer invented**

**27. a painting**

**28. fridge**

**29. hot stove**

**30. a meteor**

**31. old lady  
****32. curtain rod**

**33. trophy**

**34. his mom**

**35. Lauren**

**36. live piranha**

**37. knife**

**38. box of leeches ( AN: LOL!!!)**

**39. Dumbbell**

**40. goat**

**41. ladder**

**42. gumball machine**

**43. gutter**

**44. tree**

**45. scythe**

**46. yacht**

**47. elephant**

**48. The Stupid Shiny Volvo**

**49. metal chair**

**50. tuba**

**51. guy playing the tuba**

**52. fish tank**

**53. robot**

**54. infinite ice balls**

**55. hockey stick**

**56. basketball hoop**

**57. snow globe**

**58. recliner**

**59. biggest yarn ball in the world**

**60. T-Rex skull **

**61. playground slide**

**62. bowling ball**

**63. safe**

**64. rusty sword**

**65. hammer**

**66. train**

**67. whip**

**68. wrench**

**69. hatchet**

**70. exploding Mentos (AN: got the idea from a blog by Eshizz)**

**71. stink-bomb**

**72. paintballs**

**73. old 70's radio**

**74. dead rat**

**75. dresser**

**76. pink inflatable dolphin**

**77. blacksmith's iron**

**78. rabid squirrels**

**79. Mike-hating rabid squirrels**

**80. switched on flamethrower**

**81. all previous stuff at the same time**

**82. Wii**

**83. surfboard**

**84. his spine**

**85. The Thinker**

**86. bridge**

**87. The Statue of Liberty**

**88. turret**

**89. meat cleaver**

**90. Alice's shopping bag**

**91. fencepost **

**92. bus**

**93. suitcase**

**94. dictionary**

**95. toilet**

**96. PVC pipe**

**97. Yoda**

**98. fruitcake**

**99. bush**

**V. neon pink hair dye**

**101. Simon Cowell**

I reread my masterpiece, laughing the whole time. I mean, really, rabid squirrels, Yoda, a tuba? I didn't think my mind was capable of these thoughts.

I heard a chuckling behind me. "Edward!"

"Hello Bella, Love. I like this list you've made. Mind if I make a copy?"

"On one condition" I replied. "You and I have to do as many things on this list as possible."

"Ok, it's a deal. I really do need some revenge for everything he's thought of you."

" So what are we waiting for!" I yelled, "let's go!!!"

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**Love it? Hate it? Even if you did hate it, let me know by clicking the magical button below! You can be anonymous if you want!!!**

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	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, so I said it would be a oneshot. But, you guys seem to want more chapters. Should I do it? If I do, Mike may die. Vote by clicking that little green/purple button below!!!**

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	3. Chapter 3

Edward picked me up, and with vampire speed he ran to his house. Outside was Emmett's Jeep, overflowing with most of the random things that were on my list.

Alice.

Emmett was loading some final things up, tying it all together at the top. I noticed that he was wearing complete camouflage, even painting his face in greens and browns.

"BELLA!" Emmett exclaimed, grabbing me out of Edward's arms and hugging me as hard as a human could take. " I LOVE YOU AND YOUR DEVIOUS MIND! THANK-YOU SO MUCH!"

"Um, Emmett?" I asked, "Why are you screaming?"

"He's so excited, it's giving me a headache," Jasper said, coming out of the house with the rest of the Cullen's. Well, except for Esme and Carlisle, they were off on another honeymoon. Kind of ironic.

Everyone was wearing cameo but Edward and I, and a bad feeling crept into my mind. I groaned.

"Edward, I left your clothes in your room, and some face paint. Bella, you're coming with me."

…...ONE HOUR LATER…...

I came out of the house wearing some really expensive camouflage outfit that even I couldn't describe, complete with shoes and face paint. Everyone was already waiting in the Jeep, Emmett slumped over pretending to sleep in the driver's seat.

"Emmett, get up and be useful!" Alice yelled.

Emmett sat up and saluted Alice, earning a slap from Rosalie. I sat on Edward's lap, Alice on Jaspers', and we were off.

"So, what are we going to do first?" I asked.

"Well, we're going to go through the list in order as much as we can, but do the hardest things last," Jasper explained. "There are going to be some variations, however, because we can't kill Mike, however much we want to."

At that remark, Emmett looked considerably more depressed.

"So," Jasper continued, " We're going to start out with number one, a dead fish."

Edward pulled out a mini cooler and from inside grabbed a dead, slightly frozen fish.

"Edward, is that the fish that I was going to eat for dinner tonight?" I asked.

"Yes love, but I'll get you something better later."

By that time we were at the mall in Port Angeles.

"Why are we here?" I asked, yet again. It seemed that I was asking way to many questions today.

"Alice saw that Mike would be here today," Rosalie answered.

Emmett parked the Jeep behind a semi truck, hid the fish in one of his many oversized pockets, and we were off.

When we got into the mall, we headed to Macy's. Alice explained to me that Mike was trying on perfume. No, not looking for a gift for his mom. For himself.

We hid behind some clothing racks and observed the surroundings.

There was only one other lady in the area, she was wearing a crimson dress with a poofy red hat.

Rosalie took out a video camera and started recording.

Emmett went up to the lady and whispered something to her, making her face turn as red as her hat. He then offered her the fish, which she took and went towards Mike.

Emmett ran over to where we were and hid, desperately trying not to laugh.

"What did you tell her?" Jasper directed towards Emmett.

" Oh, just that Mike said she smelled like a skunk and looked lie a giant tomato." he replied.

We all turned our direction to Mike, who was getting hit again and again by the dead fish, letting out a scream that even a little girl couldn't do.

The best part was, we had it all on video.

Get ready, Mike.


End file.
